I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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