1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
