Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
