There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
