the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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