a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
