id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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