I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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