What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
