Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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