What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
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Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!