Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime