i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.