Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
39 Memes Anyone Who Cries When They See Their Bank Account Will Relate To
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
did you just send me my own nude
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.