she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.