I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
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I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
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I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.