so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.