How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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