i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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