I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
