Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
