The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
