Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
