is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
