I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
