Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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