i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
