they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
be right there i have to get my cape
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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