Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs are out for the taking
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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