I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
