she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
