How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
