I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
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