So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
