I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
