Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
