dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
