my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
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I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
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I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
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