in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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