she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
