woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
