Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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