My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
My vagina just recognized that song.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
