Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
