I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
