sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
