a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
she smelled like a LAN party
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
