This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
