Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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