Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
