they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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