did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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