She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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