Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
