he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
