insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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