if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
