the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
