So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
