so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
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