I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
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Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
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I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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